NEW YORK, NY—Responding to a 6-3 SCOTUS decision strikingdown President Biden’s unconstitutional vaccine mandate, Pfizer’s CEOAlbert Bourla took to CNN to condemnthe ruling, which he says”violates our God-given constitutional right to produce experimental drugs and use the full power of government to force the entire population to inject them into their bodies.”

“I know private citizens are supposed to have rights,” saidBourla, “but what about the rightof corrupt, multi-billion-dollar mega-corporations that are in bed with governments all around the world? What about our right to make billions and billions of dollars by forcingyou to take a drug, even if you don’t need it and it kills you? I thought this was AMERICA!”

Bourla confirmed that if everyone on earth isn’t forced to take his new upcoming Omicron vaccine, he may not be able to afford his next payment on his flying yacht, which also doubles as a casino and brothel.